Little fingers wrapped around my thumb. I can almost feel the heartbeat of the boy beside me. My nephew, Caleb's. I am putting my favorite two-year-old to bed. The porta-cot is small, but I hop in and lay down beside him. It is more comfortable than leaning down, into it. I lay there thinking. Remembering the past. Experiences and memories flitter through my mind. I think about the day, today - that's over now.
Soon I am silently praying. "Father, please help me to overcome being selfish. Keep my heart pure for the man you have for me, in Your time... and Father, if that's according to Your will." I start thinking again. What if Jesus should come before then. Do I want Him to wait, until I can get married first? I ponder it. ...and decide, no.
I imagine the first time I see Him, or maybe when we get there and He is letting us in at the gate. I feel my heart beating with anticipation. Almost bursting. I run, and it feels like I'm flying. I jump up into His arms. Wrap my arms around his neck and wish I could stay there forever. "Yes, Jesus, hugging You, being with You: will be better than anything I can imagine on this earth. Please prepare me and others.... and come quickly. So I can hug You."